planes, trains, and automobiles

The German has found himself trapped in Munich for the foreseeable future.  I was initially annoyed he wouldn’t be around to support my weekend efforts to visit as many of Beijing’s Gourmet Month meals as possible, but restaurants hungry friends stepped up to fill void.  Not to mention, apparently Icelandic natural disasters are not currently on the list of Valid Complaints About Your Boyfriend/Girlfriend.  Must have been an oversight.  Just like leaving them off the list of insurable travel incidents.

After seeing these pictures of misery, I think the German and other business travelers actually have it pretty good.  At least they aren’t camping out at the airport, don’t have to worry about families/ruined vacations, and can more or less carry on with business as usual.  Unlike, say, the pregnant Californian in Stratford or visa-less families unable to leave the airport.  Looking at these airport photos also reminds me of the vast superiority of Munich and Schiphol over Heathrow and Charles De Gaulle.

Speaking of photos from this weekend’s travel escapades, how cute is Angie here?  Barack, Hillary, and any other US politician aspiring to be a “real American” or “one of the common people” please take note.  Who knew Teutonic, trained-physicist, heads of state could be so hilariously was auch immer when faced with an international crisis?  If that sold in Germany even half as well as Sarah Palin’s moose-hunting, mother-of-five schtick, the CDU could stop campaigning and start counting votes already.

you heard it here first

November 2009:  November 15 is too late to start Beijing (and China’s) “heating season”.  As the random observer eloquently noted:

“A fixed time is stupid. I hope it stays on longer too. Beijing is still cold in March when they normally turn it off. I think they shut it off too early,”
Four months later, I can confirm Beijing is indeed still cold in March when they turn the heat off.  Too cold to be living without heat.  Especially, as I discovered today, when your office also does not have heat.  My company has two offices in Beijing.  The one I work was warm and toasty all winter and has remained so, thus leading me to assume offices were exempt from this rule, just like hotels.  Today I am working at the other one.  There is NO HEAT.  Twenty people have emptied out of the two offices along the walls and moved into the open plan area for warmth.  And people are wearing jackets indoors.  The hot water dispenser and coffee machines are getting a workout today.

west virginia? ew!

I love when tourists fail to realize I’m American, even after hearing me speak, and when I’m wearing Cal gear. The best part usually comes when they compliment me on my English and I can say something along the lines of:

“I hope so, considering I’m American”

or

“Thanks! The school system is really good here”

But I hit a new high when met someone today from the US and who said they were from West Virginia. I was using every ounce of control not to grimace which they mistook for confusion and went on to explain that West Virginia is in the middle of the east coast. I informed them that, being from San Francisco, I was actually pretty caught up on my US geography. At least I managed to refrain from saying, “West Virginia? That’s, like, the 909 of the east!”

eating china

Had lunch with a visiting colleague today who has eaten every meal thus far in his hotel and was thinking how difficult eating in China can be for foreigners. Unless you speak Chinese, you usually end up in your hotel or at a place with English menus or picture menus.  Unlike in Europe, you can’t go, oh, lasagne…croque monsieur…at least I know that one.  Even if you do speak and read Chinese, it is still hard to master the art of ordering, getting the right combination of yin and yang foods, ordering the right amount (that is, too much), balancing flavors.  Not to mention the problem of dealing with dish names that have no relation to the actual ingredients.  I can order and get food I like but I am far from confident enough to order for a table of Chinese people.

China is also a difficult country for people with any kinds of dietary restrictions.  It’s not that they are insensitive or uncaring, but that they are so unheard of, Chinese people cannot comprehend it.  Even in Beijing and Shanghai, vegetarians will invariably get comments such as “oh, let’s have seafood” or “there’s just a little meat in this”.  Peanut allergies means, “no visible whole peanuts” (but sauces and peanut oil are okay, no?)  Last month a friend with celiac disease was in Beijing and found that “no soy sauce or gluten whatsoever” translated to “this just has a little soy sauce” and “have some toast!”  Even in the most Westernized and accommodating of places, the most helpful of conversations went like this:

J: I can’t have any wheat or wheat product or gluten
Waiter: Would you like gluten free bread?
J:  Yes!  That would be great!  Do you really have that?
Waiter: I don’t know.  Let me check….No

Despite that, I still think Chinese food is some of the best in the world and my favorite part of having visitors is taking them to eat.  Sadly, many Westerners (who don’t come from San Francisco, Vancouver, LA, or New York) know little outside of fried rice, kung pao chicken, or dumplings.  Their top dining destination is crowding in with hoards of other white people in Wangfujing taking photos of themselves eating bugs on a stick and somehow failing to notice that the Chinese people only eat from food carts selling corn, sweet potatoes, or meat on a stick.  Okay, and stinky tofu.

For those of you planning a trip in the near future, Shanghaiist and the Global Times have done write ups of their top China eats.  I’m too lazy at the moment to do my own, but suffice to say my recommendations are more closely aligned to the Shanghaiist.

conference of fail

While conducting research for this year’s bracket, I ran across this proposal from Secretary of Education Duncan to ban any teams who don’t have a 40% graduation rate for its players. Unlike some proposals for change in the world of college athletics, I actually think this is a pretty good one. Especially since it specifically excludes players who transfer to another university or who leave early for the NBA but are in good academic standing when they do. It’s like banning pros from the Olympics – if they want to be student athletes, they should at least make an effort.

But I’m not here to discuss the pros/cons of this suggestion, especially since it will never be adopted. I’m here to shed light on this shameful fact: in the ranking of teams by graduation rate, Cal is second to last with 20%. Even more outrageous is the fact that Cal graduated none of its black players who started between 1999-2002. This is embarrassing for a university that purports to be a leader in higher education. If that’s the case, can the university not spare some resources for supporting and retaining athletes? Or exercise higher standards when recruiting? Equally embarrassing is that other teams who fall short of the 40% graduation rate, such as Kentucky and Baylor at least have high seeds and Final Four potential to show for it. This reminds me all too much of the academic violations during the Tom Holmoe years, where exceptions and excuses were made and Cal still went 1-10.

Considering the popularity of basketball here, especially with players like Kobe Bryant and Yao Ming, the NCAA tournament is surprisingly under the radar. Even amongst the expat community, there is far less buzz than for events like the Superbowl. I feel that this really has potential to catch on in China, as it combines two astoundingly popular activities – basketball and gambling.

zack morris fail

Today I had a get rich quick idea.

Every worker bee in China knows the joy of a jian bing breakfast. Quick, warm, filling, and cheap, these pancakes filled with eggs, some greens, crispy wonton or other fried dough bits, and various sauces are available at stands near any subway station or office building. You can find 4 or 5 within a one-block radius and coworkers love to debate the merits of each. Normally, those in need of a little extra protein ask for an extra egg in their filling. A few other stands have tried to increase their appeal by adding meat, but massively fail due to the use of rubbery, artificially pink Chinese sausage that cannot even be classified as food.

After a long discussion on the virtues of jian bing, my friend and I have developed the ultimate business plan: jian bing with bacon! Not only does bacon make everything better, but it also meets two key criteria of jian bing filling – meaty and crunchy. In one! Bacon + eggs + dough? A no brainer. I set off to work, intent on staking out some prime real estate for our cart, when I spied some formidable competition: a stall selling jian bing with chuar wrapped inside.

Essentially a meat kebab (usually lamb but sometimes chicken or beef), chuar is the street food of Beijing. Officially from the province that shall not be named Xinjiang, this tasty grilled treat provides sustenance to millions office workers, fair goers, and late night partiers. It is to Beijing what the donor kebab is to Berlin or the Mission burrito to San Francisco. When I saw this genius of a vendor combining the two classic street foods, I knew our jian bing empire was over before it began. The worst part was that it wasn’t just a copy of our brilliant plan…but an improvement. Dreams of fame and riches dashed, I trudged to the office in despair. Actually, I got in line and ordered what has become my favorite breakfast in Beijing.

dumpling factory

Happy Chinese New Year!

The German and I spent our week off exploring some nearby cities, watching hours of explosive fireworks, and stuffing our faces.  On New Year’s Eve, some friends who own a cafe near the Drum Tower organized a dumpling making party.  A few people churned out piles of dough and then the rest of us got to work.  People always say you can tell where someone is from by how they fold their dumplings.  Well, I can’t, but others can.  The last time my Chinese friends and I did this, a girl took one look at mine and said “Your family must be from the south”.  The pan-frying friendly shape must have given me away!  A truly underutilized cooking format in up in the ‘Jing.

I’ve put the German to work in the dumpling factory many times and although everyone there was impressed by his skill, they were still eager to teach the tall blond foreigner their way of folding.  And I realized you can even tell where he is from by looking at his dumplings because:

1. They’re twice as big as a Chinese-made one
2. While everyone else threw finished dumplings haphazardly on the mats as fast as possible, in the piles of dough you could see a few neat little rows, futilely trying to instill order in the chaos

Unfortunately, the week went by much too quickly and I headed back to work on Monday (technically, on Saturday, thanks to the stinginess of China’s “replacement working days”.  But not really until Monday, thanks to the generosity of “working from home”).  The new year’s festivities will conclude with this Saturday’s lantern festival and the clouds of smoke and red firework papers will fade away until next year.

keep on rolling

You might be tired of me blogging about train tickets, but this topic takes over the collective Chinese brain to an unprecedented level.  Which makes sense, because if I had to spend two or three days in the train station waiting for tickets, I would have nothing else to talk about either.  Yes, 2-3 days.  Over the past few weeks, every office-wide email has been something along the lines of:

“Have been at the station since Saturday AM.  No tickets yet, so will be taking PTO Mon.  Possibly return Tuesday am.”

Every meeting room is filled with people on their cell phones trying to buy tickets or arguing with their spouses about who was supposed to go to the train station at 5am to get tickets.

Watching this process made me curious as to how regular Chinese working for SOEs manage to get tickets.  People at my company are lucky to have flexible schedules where they can show up at 3pm or take long lunches or do whatever else required to get tickets.  What about those Chinese people who have to punch in and out and work in factories?  Apparently, that is one benefit of working for the government.  According to the news and personal anecdotes, they either get tickets for every worker or charter buses, trains, and even planes to take them home.  On the news the other day, they showed a bunch of factory workers flying home on a plane provided by their company with gifts and food and red envelopes handed out during the flight.  For most of them it was the first time they had ever been on a plane.  They also get a big fat bonus when they return (although that is more to prevent them from realizing their lives in Beijing are terrible and they would rather be with their families and not coming back at all).

But with more than half my colleagues gone already and the rest heading out on Friday, it has been a quiet week.  We had office parties on both Friday and Wednesday.  Wednesday was an office party like none I had been to before – they rented out a big cafe in Wudaokou, provided tons of food and drinks and we played cards and board games all night.  Possibly the dorkiest and best office party I have ever attended.

the (other) big game

Superbowl Sunday. Nothing like kicking back in your sweats with enough food, drinks, and pizza (yes, that’s a separate category) to feed an army. Unless you’re in Beijing, where the pre-game airs at 6.30am on Monday morning, leaving you to choose between solitary slumming or kegs and eggs at your local expat bar. Once you make the wise decision to “work from home” and stay in, the next question to ponder is ESPN live feed or CCTV Chinese commentary? You would think ESPN is the obvious answer, but you would be wrong.

On CCTV, not only is the picture quality better, you also get to enjoy Chinese football commentary, which is two guys in suits in front of their laptops (which are covered in giant logos from one of China’s largest sportswear companies. Imagine the CBS crew sitting in a completely empty studio with nothing but 15-inch laptops with a giant Nike logo facing you). The announcing is devoid of emotion, but does include Chinese names for all teams and players. The Colts become little horses, the Saints become the angels, and there is a 15 minute explanation of the 2-point conversion without actually commenting on Payton’s decision to go for one or an analysis of how that worked out for him. Nor was there any mention of breaking the plane. But that’s okay, as I usually provide my own commentary anyways.

And the single best reason CCTV beats out ESPN for Super Bowl commentary is this quote, heard while the fireworks were going off, confetti was falling, and the Saints were celebrating: “Looks like Spring Festival (Chinese New Year) has come one week early to America this year!”

Oh, CCTV. How you entertain me.

stranger than fiction

Evidence that truth is stranger than fiction:

Chinese government working to increase bicycle ridership. Weren’t they just introducing new measures to encourage car purchases, oh, 5 minutes ago?

Parking lots for women. Don’t forget to tip your six dancing parking attendants on your way out.

Oracle exec’s paramour gets revenge with billboards. Let this be a lesson never to give your attention-grubbing mistress a quarter of a million dollars.

In other stranger-than-fiction news, preparations for Spring Festival are in full swing, and some migrant workers and university students are already heading home this weekend. As I will be staying in Beijing, I will not have to face the arduous task of traveling during this period, but feel a morbid desire to spend some time at Beijing train stations witnessing the event. One thing many people take for granted, but that I find most fascinating about China is the sheer task of managing a population of 1.3 billion. How do they do it? (answer: one-party rule). Riding the Beijing subway, with 3.4 million other people every day is pretty miraculous to someone used to the utter failures of MUNI. Guiding over 4 million cars on the road every day with less traffic than San Francisco or LA is a testament to city planning. And transporting 340 million people thousands of miles away and back in a two week period is an event I have to see for myself. Visualize, if you will, the entire US population living in Los Angeles or New York. Then imagine that they all want to travel to cities and towns all over the US, on the same day. By train. And then you have to bring them all back.

I’m thinking this would make a killer reality show. Fox, this should be right up your alley.

NYT = chinese cake

You know the NY Times is declining in quality when your teenage cousin barely glances up from his Nintendo DS to decry it for being too much like Chinese cakes: “all fluff and no substance.”  But when articles include such references as: Lauren Conrad, the former reality TV star of “The Hills,” now a fashion designer and best-selling author of “L.A. Candy.” I cry foul.  Actually, I laughed hysterically on the subway, to the alarm and bemusement of my fellow passengers.

Except, it turns out our little LC really is a best-selling author, apparently snagging the #1 spot two weeks in a row.  You can find proof here.  My favorite part is her response to this achievement:

“If someone said to me five years ago when this all started that I would one day make the New York Times Best Seller list I wouldn’t have believed it.”

Neither would I, LC, neither would I.

PS.  A noticeable response to Google’s announcement last week was an increased crackdown on all social media and blogs.  I assume this post should pass through the GFW with no problems.

better dead than red

Everyone I know abroad is up in arms about Google’s potential exit from the China market. Which is funny because I live in China and work in the tech industry and have yet to hear this discussed amongst anyone in my office. Likely because most of them use Baidu.com (along with more than 60% of the rest of China).

Not to sound like I’ve been drinking the kool-aid, but I don’t really see how this affects my life at all. Except for the fact that I know a few expats at Google, so I may lose 20% of my friends. Oh, or unless China decides to retaliate dramatically by shutting down google.com and gmail.

I know this is supposed to be a big statement about human rights and censorship and blah blah…but seriously? They’ve been operating here for four years and are just now all about freedom? Is this like when all those democratic presidential candidates voted to invade Iraq and threw money at the cause from 2002-2006, only to turn around at primary time to say they opposed the war? At least they could plead ignorance and blame the Bush administration for lying to them about WMD.

I suppose it’s pretty clear that I find this to be a lot of hypocritical posturing on behalf of Google. I support human rights and openness and free speech. But I also don’t think for a minute this is about trying to get the Chinese government to lift censorship or about the hacking of some Gmail accounts. I think this is about Google losing badly to Baidu in China and to Yahoo in Hong Kong and Taiwan. I think this is about Yahoo and eBay trying for years to gain share in the Chinese market and ultimately selling stake to Chinese companies and leaving. I think this is about talking heads saying that after these four years of investment, Google is not making headway in China and likely never will. I think it’s about the fact that Google doesn’t mean much to China and China, in terms of revenue, does not mean much to Google.

I also think that is a mistake. Google may not earn much in China right now, but this is also a country which has more internet users that the US does people. And growing rapidly. A distant second here is already pretty good.

But enough about what I think! What’s more important are these gems generated by WSJ readers:

PRO
- I can’t sleep well when I think what the Chinese are doing to mother earth and our core values. Americans are not willing to trade their core values for a quick buck!
- I hope Google has the cojones to get out of China. Never trust the communists.

CON
- The Chinese government would only have one thing to say to Google "BYEEEEE"
- It is just a search engine. Nothing to do with freedom of speech or information access.

As much joy as media spin and reader comments brings me, I am deeply, deeply disappointed that not one journalist has shown the presence of mind to title an article: "Google to China: Better dead than red." Shame on you.

book learning

Before moving to China, I lived in Germany for two years.  I came without a word of German, and through intensive study and repeatedly awkward family gatherings, managed to muster a fair level of conversation.  Now that I’m in China, I’m struggling to dredge up all those characters I spent my Saturdays copying in my little notebook.  Not that it would help much, as I learned fanti instead of the now-standard jianti.

When I left Germany, I regretted not spending more time learning the language and I’m hoping to focus on this here.  The thing is, I’m not actually that good at languages.  I may have achieved varying levels of fluency in three and do enjoy stashing away the occasional foreign bon mot to toss out at cocktail parties.  But first of all, I am lazy.  I don’t refuse to speak English and I don’t seek out native speakers to practice with at every opportunity.  Secondly, you know how some people can figure things out even if they don’t know the language?  For example, the German can figure out when his taxi driver is asking questions like where to turn, if he wants to take the toll highway or public road, and all matter of other things, even though he doesn’t understand Chinese.  He just thinks to himself, “well, we’re nearing the highway entrance, so obviously that’s what he’s asking.” Or those people who take two bits of language knowledge and put it together to figure out the next step?  I don’t do that.  Also, I think I’m going deaf.  Most of the time, I can’t hear or understand people even when they’re speaking English.  Or calling my name.  Or asking me to hold the elevator.  Actually, I did hear that one but chose to ignore it.

In my defense, I would like to take the opportunity to refute two common language learning myths:

1. If you live in a country, you will pick up the language. Maybe this is true in America, where you have no other choice.  But in most metropolitan cities, a fair amount of government, banking, travel, tv and news takes place in English.  There are also jobs at all levels where the local language is not required.  Thus far in my two years of working in foreign countries, the main opportunities to speak the local language have come at lunch.  It is frighteningly easy to have days go by without speaking the local language at all.

2. Getting a boyfriend/girlfriend is the best way to learn the language. Caveat emptor¹ – this is true only if they do not speak your language.  If they do, you will speak this language all the time.  The German and I tried to have daily “German hour”.  FAIL.  Upon arriving in Beijing, we tried speaking some Chinese to each other.  FAIL.  Second caveat – this also only works if you have no common language AND you already have some basic knowledge of their language.  Otherwise, all they can do is criticize you and correct your homework.

So what I’ve learned in my time abroad is that you can only really learn a language if you want to.  As long as you speak English and stay in metropolitan areas, you will rarely ever have to.  It’s kind of like flossing – you know you should, you know it’s good for you…and yet you either make yourself do it and learn to like it, or guiltily ignore it, only to regret it years later.  There are also those freaks that study 6 hours a day and write characters over and over, just like crazy people who have full dental kits in their homes.  These people should be avoided.  The Village in Sanlitun is probably a good place to hide.

¹Did you know on WordPress’ spelling and grammer check, they awesomely also provide the more common English “warning” as a substitute for Latin?  No need for a Simple English version here!

unsolved mysteries

Here’s a question:

I work for a large multinational company in Beijing.  I happen to work in HR and thus have a fair knowledge of everyone’s salary in my office.  The salaries are generous – it’s a software company and we value our engineers.

I may have mentioned that I’m renting an apartment in Beijing, so regardless of the German’s fancy corporate package, I’m on my own during the week and have a decent idea of what living costs are here.  And my salary, which is below many of my colleagues, is plenty for rent, food, Uniqlo’s HeatTech long underwear, and other basic necessities.  True, on just my salary, I can’t have daily dark chocolate cherry mochas at Starbucks or $8 boxes of breakfast cereal (seriously, I know someone who brings suitcases full of Kelloggs back from the US).  But it’s more than enough to live comfortably on in Beijing and have a holiday or weekend shopping binge.

Today I was talking to some coworkers about going home for the Spring Festival (Chinese New Year), which every good Chinese child does.  Actually, every Chinese child.  95% of my coworkers come from outside Beijing and they are all going home.  Unfortunately, train tickets during this period are as hard to find as good Mexican food in New York.  Or in China, for that matter.  Unless you’re directly related to Messrs. Hu or Wen, you’ll have to troll websites and stations looking for huang niu.  Most of my coworkers have already begun this process.  We talked about this during our entire lunch, and all I could think was, why not fly??

Most of them said their tickets will cost 500-600RMB.  Plane tickets are readily available online and cost 1200-1400RMB.  True, this is more than twice as much.  But it will also save up to 20 hours (each way), and I know for a fact that this cost equals maybe 10% of one month’s salary.  A lot, but this is the biggest holiday of the year and the only time they will return home all year.  I think most of my American friends would be happy to pay 10% of their monthly salary for cross-country plane tickets during Christmas.  Maybe not happy, but they would do it.  I didn’t ask for fear of sounding like an ignorant and privileged foreigner (or someone who regularly reviews all of their salaries), but why not fly?  Is it a question of money?  If it is, but my calculations say our company pays well enough for them to fly, what am I missing?

the wild east

I thought for a change, I would do a post on things I like about China.  Believe it or not, it’s even about Chinese people.  The one thing I like and admire most is that Chinese people can truly do anything.  Because let’s face it, that’s not always true elsewhere.  Most countries lack either ability, motivation, or consent to do something (see, health care, America or maglev, Germany).

Despite its flaws, the Communist Party has done an amazing job of presiding over huge economic growth and major expansion of social benefits and infrastructure.  One just has to compare the 2008 openings of Heathrow’s Terminal 5 (unmitigated and expensive disaster) to Beijing’s much larger Terminal 3 (a triumph named best airport in the world) to see the benefits of a sole powerful political party.  Not to mention rapid subway and rail expansion, including last month’s opening of the fastest train in the world.  A friend claims her Trivial Pursuit strategy is to always guess China when unsure of the answer.  For those of you taking the SF Chronicle 2009 geography quiz, this strategy will pay off.

A fellow expat complained that one of the struggles of life in China is that you are given very little warning.  Schools close with just one day, or just hours of notification, traffic rules change with no warning, and you have to buy new maps every month because so many things have changed.  This is annoying, but it also shows just how quickly and efficiently things can happen.  Not so good for visa applicants and rioters, but pretty good for those needing public transportation, health care, and schools.

If the Chinese can do anything, it follows that you can get and do everything here as well, if you are willing to work or pay for it.  And a lot of people both inside and outside of China are doing just that.  The German swore up and down that even without me, he would have accepted his position here.  I was skeptical that anyone besides fellow sea turtles would really want to give up their Western lifestyle, but coming here I have met hundreds of expats who have come without Chinese heritage or personal connection, without jobs (much less cushy corporate packages), people who have spent years studying Chinese at home and working for the opportunity to come here.  Some call China the Wild East, the new land of opportunity and dreams.  It’s always changing, always growing, and always interesting.

I like it.

trimming the fat

I’m going through the love/hate cycle of expat life right now, which consists of escalating between highs of jumping on beds and lows of beating my head with both fists crying, “why? why??”

A major stimulus for the latter is the challenge of employment. Not mine, but the other 1.3 billion residents. We all know labor is cheap in China, and this is great if you are Walmart or a hotel wanting to provide a 1:1 staff/guest ratio. And some of the time it’s pretty good for the consumer. The problem is that there are so many people to employ, it goes beyond the point of good service, a few blocks through ridiculous, and right on into crazy town. Creating processes that are less efficient and more expensive for the sake of jobs.

I don’t care if Sephora wants to employee a staff of 75 people for a tiny mall shop. I don’t care if there are 5 people working in the subway ticket booth when everyone uses machines anyways.

What I do care about is:

- No trash cans public places. Instead of setting up a few trash cans for a couple bucks, they hire cleaners to sweep and pick up trash all day. And when you want to be a good citizen instead of leaving your newspaper or coffee cup on the floor/bench, you have to run around for 15 minutes looking for someone to personally hand it to. Guess how often that happens?

- Purchasing process. Last week, I bought a power strip. It costs 2EUR. For this, I had to first take the item to a sales assistant who completed a long form with the product details. Then I waited in line to pay at the register. Usually, they have questions and need go to find the first sales person to answer them, but this time I was lucky. Then they gave me a receipt, completed the bottom half of the form, and send me back to the department where my item was. Upon production of the paperwork, they finally handed over my cable. This huge waste of time and paper was dreamed up by a crazy person to justify having more sales people than products in any given store.

- Weighing produce. In the US, they weigh your produce at checkout. I am fine with this. In Germany, they trust you to weigh it yourself at one of several stations in the produce aisle. I am also fine with this. In China, you have to get it weighed in the produce section, by store staff. Sometimes, you have to bring armfuls of individual items, because only staff can actually put it in bags or wrap it in layers of plastic. Sometimes, you have to go to one weigh station for fruit, a different one for vegetables, yet another for rice, and so on. Sometimes, there is one weigh station with no one there, and 4 people at one next to it who refuse to weigh your rice because they can only weigh nuts. Always, there are dozens of Chinese grandmas shoving their bok choy in front of you and dumping food on the scale while the previous items are still there. This I am not fine with.

- Elevator button pushers. Unlike the other items, this is not a huge time waster, but telling someone what floor I want to go to and waiting for them to push the button? If people who wear no-tie shoelaces to save time came here, their heads would explode.  – Dealing with snow. Walking to work today, I saw at least 4 groups of 5-8 people shoveling and sweeping snow from the streets. All of this effort could be saved with one snow plow or a bucket of salt.

As crazy and frustrating as these situations are, it’s even more unimaginable to think about what Chinese society would be like if these jobs didn’t exist. I know that things like this save the country from skyrocketing unemployment rates. I know that in many cases, paying people to do stuff instead of automating or mechanizing the process is truly cheaper (although rarely more efficient). I know that pushing elevator buttons in a heated office building is a pretty good and cushy job compared to slow poisoning in a Nike sweat shop. But is this seriously the only plan to deal with employment?

made of fail

Happy New Year!  As you may have heard, Beijing welcomed in the new year with the biggest snowstorm in 50 years.  Which was beautiful, if you were warmly tucked away in your centrally heated apartment with fresh coffee, baked goods, and a stack of pirated DVDs.  Where I was during Sunday’s blizzard, you might ask?  Oh, just trying to take the quick three hour train ride between Jinan and Beijing.  Actually, make that 16 hours.

The German and I moved his things to Jinan, where he will be staying for the next 2-3 years.  I’m staying in Beijing during the week, and the plan had been to travel there on weekends.  With the three hour bullet train and working from home one or two days week, this seemed like it would be no problem.  Until it was actually put into action.  After the movers picked everything up last week, we took the train from Beijing to Jinan.  We got to Beijing South train station about 30 minutes early, leaving plenty of time to admire the shininess of the brand new station (nicer than most airports) and visit some of the many cafes and bakeries.  The train left promptly and was as fast and comfortable as any ICE or TGV in Europe.  A car was waiting for us at the station and the entire trip was lovely.

This was all a scam.

If I twittered, and if China allowed it, this is what my followers would have read on Sunday

5.30pm – doormen flagging cabs.  what’s taking so long?
5.50pm – cab drivers in China never feel like driving where you want to go. isn’t that’s their job??
6.15pm – my train is leaving. without me.
6.20pm -  @driver you’re lucky I only yelled at you three times for trying to stop and pick up other people.
6.30pm – train 2 BJ was delayed.
6.31pm – worth fighting 400ppl for 10 chairs without knowing how long delay is?
7.45pm – would have been worth it
7.50pm – @china who thinks they’re a 1st world country now?
8.03pm – OH: “slow train 2 BJ canceled.” will all cram in my train. awesome.
8.15pm – should have had more than soup for lunch
8.20pm – KFC looking good.  new low.
8.25pm – mass stampedes are a good sign #china101
8.34pm – shoving people on train.  fun times.
8:35pm – combining 2 trains in 1. #fail
8.37pm – shouting match 4 my seat.  me FTW! #ParkChowAngry
8.38pm – leaving for BJ.  @roommates should be back by midnight!
11.30pm – subway v. taxi?  after this day, can’t face more mass transit.
11.32pm – taxi line is really long.
11.33pm – probably b/c subway is closed.  how can metro in city of 17m close @11pm?
11.45pm – waiting in taxi line.  only 30ppl ahead of me!
11.37pm – txt from @roommate asking where I am.  would reply if cell wasn’t dead.
12.15am – wtf?  where are taxis?
12.16am – and why does taxi line have to be outside in -15C?
12.30am – OH: “can you send a car?  try this number! why won’t they come?”. #fail.
12.45am – still outside waiting for taxi. wishing I had flown.
12.46am – OH: PEK canceled 90% flights, 1000s stranded.
1.30am – 2 hrs in line, 100+ ppl, 1 taxi. #fail.
1.35am – returning 2 sta. w/masses who will camp til subway opens.
1.45am – take the poll: Sleep w/out heat in -15C?  Yes (1) No (2)
1.50am – walking thru 20cm of snow to hotel across st.  looks like hotel of death.
2.00am – protesting gross extortion of hotel.  $=SF Union Sq. #ParkChowAngry
2.10am – now down 2 $=SF SOMA.  2 tired 2 argue 4 Milbrae rates.
2.15am – in room, pleasantly surprised. clean, w/real bath. turning heat to 27C+using both blankets 2 defrost.
6.00am – still trapped, hating life.
6.25am – bullying reception to call taxi.  China taxi co. made of fail.
6.44am – still calling taxi co.
7.10am – walking thru snow 2 sta.  @china: brooms & plastic shovels≠snowplow.
7.35am – taxi line improved, 200ppl, but 3 taxis.
8.10am – riding subway.  ready to facepunch anyone who shoves me.
8.22am – hate changing lines.
8.43am – really hate changing lines @ guo mao
8.44am – really hate china
9.00am – @ my sta.  walking through more snow to apt.
9.12am – luv gusts of wind blowing snow n face and down jacket.  was just thinking torso was 2 warm relative 2 appendages.
9.22am – sts. where white ppl live seem better swept.  coincidence?
9.30am – @roommate: sorry to miss ur 3 calls last night asking if I need help. really. sorry.
9.35am – being supplied by roommate w/hot coffee and food.  downgrade from severely suicidal to irritated and angry.
9.37am – take the poll: is china the next superpower? Yes (1) No (2)

keep on trucking

Depending on where you are, you generally hear that the worst times to job hunt are Dec/Jan because of the holidays and in the summer, when everyone with decision making power is on vacation.  Or if you’re in Europe, when everyone, including the receptionist, is on vacation.  But as I’ve been swamped these first few weeks of December, I’ve come to see it’s not a bad time to be job hunting after all.  And here’s why:

- Hiring managers are desperate.  They’ve spent two months posting the job, they’ve been looking idly while doing their actual job, but now it’s Dec. 15 and they must, no matter what, must get someone signed before they can go off and enjoy their Christmas.  They want you and they want you now.

- Budgeting.  Managers also fear the year-end financial review and the potential loss of an open position.  Firing a person = difficult.  Eliminating a position that was created 3 months ago and has not been filled?  Red pen, please.

- It’s easy to interview.  Today I set up two interview panels with three people each that are happening today and Monday.  Hiring managers are starting to wind down, offices are emptying, so they’re much more likely to have an entire afternoon open.  Plus, with everyone running in and out of the office to find stocking stuffers, visit the post office, and pick up pumpkin spice lattes, it’s the easiest time of the year for candidates to find an excuse to leave work an hour early or take a 2 hour lunch.

- It’s better than January.  Nobody will even return to the office until Jan. 10, and then they’ll be too busy kicking off the year, motivating employees, and onboarding all those people they did hire in December.  I doubt any hiring managers will return my phone calls for the entire month.

It may not be the most encouraging list, but if you’re actually looking for a job in this economy at least you don’t have to give up hope and declare yourselves worthless just yet.  That’s what the new year is for.

license and registration

One of the most interesting things about working in different countries is learning about issues that are of massive importance locally but that no one else in the world would ever think or care about.  A prime example for those of you living in the US is health care.  There are many HR professionals in the US who spend a large part of their job focused solely on health care – negotiating rates, interviewing insurance providers, dealing with claims, managing employee questions, and more.  For the two years I worked on European benefits, I probably spent a total of two hours working on health care – namely, asking every new employee to provide the name of their insurance company and sending that to payroll so they knew where to make contributions.  People there truly could not understand why our US colleagues could spend even one hour working on health insurance and why health care and pension was not just 5% of an admin or intern role.

Conversely, something so so important to Europeans that I never would have thought of?  Reference letters (Zeugnis).  Hugely important to them, not so much for anyone else.  And once I learned the importance, I was always drafted by European colleagues with American managers to explain the importance of this, why it was required, and why a simple confirmation of dates of employment was not sufficient.

The first time I saw the German’s CV, I thought he was crazy.  It included several pages of the CV itself, copies of university and school degrees (I’m talking HIGH SCHOOL), and reference letters from every job, including internships.  And a photo.  But a quick peek in the personnel files showed me that everyone in Germany had a folder just like that.  Except me.  I laughed at the German nitpickiness of demanding a full personal history bound in a colored folder, but he had the last laugh when we applied for our working permits here in China and they asked for the exact same thing.  While he was able to hand over his pretty blue folder, I spent a month tracking down my school diplomas and getting explaining to former employers why I needed references when I wasn’t actually job hunting.

And much of this week has been spent discussing with my fellow recruiter in China something else I never dreamed would be an issue: Hukou. This is basically a residence permit, but for a city.  Just as I need a residence permit to live here as a foreigner, in China you also need a Hukou to move within the country.  The policy began as a way to control migration, especially between rural areas and cities.  I imagine it’s fairly easy for a Beijing or Shanghai resident to move to the boonies and get a Hukou there, but it’s nearly impossible to move the other way around.  In previous times, this was severely restrictive.  Someone with a Shanghai Hukou coming to Beijing couldn’t even buy food, or rent an apartment, much less work or send their kids to school.  It has recently become more lenient, with people allowed to work anywhere in the country, although some companies still only hire city residents.  The main importance now is for raising children (they can only go to school if they are residents, or must go to “special” schools) and benefits (pension and medical care vary depending on where you’re registered).

You might be wondering what this has to do with recruiting.  Apparently, there are only two real opportunities to change your Hukou: marrying a resident or getting a job after graduating from university.  Not getting any new job or changing jobs.  You can only get a Hukou with your first job upon graduation.  Theoretically, wherever your first job is, you’ll be registered there for life.

And then.

Beijing and Shanghai are hugely popular and there are not enough permits to go around.  To give an example, a company might have 3 Beijing Hukou to give out to new employees, but want to hire 10 university graduates.  So essentially, HR has to decide who will get this all-important benefit, who will not, and how to get people to come work for you without offering them one or risk losing a great candidate.  Thousands of students are graduating from Beijing universities this year, and more than salary or company name, the greatest consideration for them is whether or not a company can provide a Beijing Hukou.  I would estimate that of those 10 candidates, 4-5 would turn down the job if we didn’t offer them a Hukou.  Most would rather go work for a crappy company with lower pay that offered one, because they can work there for a year and have the Beijing Hukou for life.  I’ve also read about people who only date those with a Beijing Hukou.

While preparing to move abroad, you spend so much time trying to figure out what’s important.  But sometimes you just can’t imagine.

a carnival of idiots

One of my new favorite shows is the Amazing Race.  The German has also found endless entertainment in Are You Smarter Than a 5th Grader? Although he actually sits through the entire 30 minutes just to see if someone will choose a World Geography question to laugh about.  But much as I enjoy these, and mocking the sad clueless participants, I also feel embarrassed for my countrymen every time someone says something stupid about the world.  It’s hard going to work knowing you will be faced with the inevitable questions about ignorant Americans and defending our views of the world.  Sometimes I think they shouldn’t even show these outside of the US so no one would know.

But I’ve noticed since moving to China, that I no longer get those “Why do Americans….” questions.  Nor do I get those kinds of questions about Germans or Europeans.  In fact, I would say most Chinese people I’ve met are far more ignorant about the world outside China than Americans.  Okay, maybe the average American can’t find Iraq or Hungary on a map, but I’ve had Chinese coworkers ask me if Italy and France are in Europe.  And while some have admirable English skills, many more are barely conversational.  When Beijing’s taxi drivers were all ordered to learn English and given lessons, this was seen as a huge burden rather than an opportunity to learn a new skill.  This is not a geographical issue either – most people I’ve talked to have no more knowledge or interest of Japan, Korea, or Vietnam than of England.  And while I know many Chinese don’t have the financial means for extensive education or travel, I’m talking about university educated sales and engineering managers with six-figure incomes.  It’s not that they aren’t educated but they simply aren’t interested.

I don’t find this so surprising, as most of the facts I used to defend the motherland are true of China as well.  Both countries are huge in area and population.  You could conceivably drive for days without ever leaving.  Unlike, say, Switzerland.  Both countries are strongly monolingual because the nearest foreign language speaking population is so distant.  Both have a very self-centered view of themselves and their position as global powers.  Basically, they don’t care about the rest of the world because they don’t have to.  I don’t think either country is better or worse for this, but I am amused that Americans get all the criticism for ignorance when China is just as bad.  Meetings between these two governments to discuss international policy must be like a carnival of idiots.

The clear solution to this would be scheduling a G2 summit on the set of “Are You Smarter Than a 5th Grader?” with decision making authority granted to the team correctly answering the World Geography questions.  Maybe with a few animal science questions thrown in for fun – that category is killer.