the sweet nectar

The bulk of this past weekend was spent drinking, first at the SF International Beer Fest, and yesterday at the wineries of Sonoma County. As anyone who knows me, or even has met me, would tell you, this is an unprecedented event. Capped off by the fact that I consumed an all-time record of the equivalent of not one, not two, but two-and-a-half pints of beer AND at least three glasses of wine. Although, as Rohit pointed out, this is the kind of thing I should not say out loud. Oh wait, that was in reference to my verbatim quoting of an obscure OC, season two episode.

It appears I suffer from Alcohol Flush Reaction/ALDH deficiency, more often referred to as the Asian Glow. I thought this phenomena was common knowledge, but conversations with former colleagues have led me to believe that this is in fact only known to people of Asian descent and people who went to college in California.

For those of you who believe this is just a fluke, let me lay out the facts:

- 90% of the API population possess a mutated enzyme (ALDH) that leads to unusually rapid conversion of ethanol to acetaldehyde, a far more toxic substance to the human body. This sudden increase causes the initial flushing all over the body.

- The liver is then responsible for breaking down the acetaldehyde, but in half of all APIs, this mutated enzyme suddenly performs with only 8% of normal efficiency.

- As a dominant DNA trait, there is no cure for this syndrome, and it ensures that our unlucky progeny will continue to suffer for the rest of time.

On the upside, those of you looking for SOs can list ‘cheap date’ on your resume.

curiously amused

My favorite commercial of the moment:

But I have to admit, that Mastercard one with the elephant is running a close second.  Why my favorite ads all involve animals, I have no idea.  I guess because in these two cases, they are being as amusing as I normally find children.  I do enjoy being amused.

whole what?

While I am all about eating fresh, local, and other kinds of good-for-you-heart-disease-preventing food, I tend to scorn the pseudo-healthy inventions of our times. Like tofurky? No. Fat-free, sugar-free ice cream? Um, ew! So when I discovered whole wheat donuts at Krispy Kreme today, I was understandably skeptical. However, those happened the be the hot and fresh ones being offered to us right out of the oven, and I am not one to turn down a free, glazed diabetes-inducing treat.

And not only did I eat my words, I also gobbled up every last bite of sugary deliciousness. Those whole wheat donuts are incredible. They may in fact be tastier than the originals! It has the exact same lightness and glazed exterior, an additional light caramel and nutty flavor, and the whole wheat adds some extra texture and substance to this typically ephemeral treat. Overall, an amazingly addictive experience. So much that I managed to eat an entire 1.5 donuts, a new record.

Naysayers may point out that this “healthy” remix, while made entirely of whole grains, has only 20 fewer calories than the original, with an equal amount of trans and saturated fats. But I would like to say A) at least it adds one gram of fiber and B) It’s delicious and it’s a donut. Please.

I’m not touting this as a health food, a replacement for all sweet treats in your life, or a staple in a new diet fad. But you know how sometimes when you eat out you have the ‘healthy’ and ‘unhealthy’ option and when you go for a fruit-and-yogurt platter instead of blueberry pancakes you spend the rest of the meal sitting and sulking? This will not happen if you eat a whole wheat donut.

i heart sf

Today I had lunch with a few of my former co-workers. I had an extra-yummy burrito. We gossiped extensively about other people I used to work with. The weather was great. On my way out, I window-shopped and had a latte. While I was walking through the financial district, I was thinking about how nice it all was and how it was probably the best part of the day.

Then I passed a middle-aged man in a business suit singing to himself: ce-le-brate good times, come on! It’s a celebration.

hahaha…I heart San Francisco.

more names

In case Gen, X, and Theo don’t work out for some reason, we spent a significant study break yesterday coming up with Arrhythmia, Celiac, and Eczema.  Of course, if  Dr. Bonnie decides to have children for some reason, she has laid claims to those already.  But that’s fine – at least that means she’ll be the one running around with three teenage girls some day.

If my child is ethnic, she will be named Mocha.  If she’s hapa, it’s going to be Vanilla Latte.

Clearly, if I have children someday, I will be reported to Child Services once they’re old enough to speak.

city life

I’ve decided that my future children will be named Genesis, Exodus, and Thelonious. I realize this means sacrificing the dream of having three adorable little boys named Tony, Lloyd, and 50, who I would have summoned with a a single cry of “G-unit!” but sometimes life doesn’t work out the way you planned. And these three names rhyme. Plus, I already have a godfather committed to little Thelonious, so I’m all set.

I’m at a cafe studying German (or, lerne deutsch) with my friend/mein freund who is studying for the MCATs. Which is a great because we can exchange fascinating new tidbits like “did you know damit and fahrt are words in German?” and “did you know the male sexual act takes 2-3 minutes while the female sexual act takes 20-30?” Or test our new-found knowledge with questions like, “What’s a good pickup line?” and “Is that thing I saw on Grey’s Anatomy true?”

For those of you in SF, Bonnie and I recently discovered Mission Pie , a little slice of tastiness in the heart of the Mission. Not only do they have the most delicious crusts and fresh and flavorful fillings, it’s also part of an organization that helps underprivileged children learn various farming/business skills. Or something like that. And most importantly, it’s located just a block from BART (perfect for an afternoon pie/coffee run) AND within 30 seconds of every good taqueria in San Francisco. Burritos AND pie? AND contributing to the development of tomorrow’s leaders? I think we may have found our own little paradise.

NH5D

Clap it up!

the next move

In the aftermath of the Virginia Tech shooting, there’s an inescapable out-pour of blame; everyone with their own special opinion on what led to this event: parents, university officials, lax gun control, too much gun control (my personal favorite), decline of society (a close second), violence in the media, school bullies, and more. And as much fun as some may find it to point fingers and ask what if, it was a disturbed. kid. with. guns. So can we PLEASE, everyone, just shut up and give these people some peace?

And to those who are saying this proves the need for fewer restrictions on firearms so that all our children will be protect themselves – really? I mean, for REALS? Most college students don’t wake up early enough to shower or pack a pen and notebook to for an 8am German class. Good luck training them to pack guns and ammo with the iPod.

true lurve

You know how some people go the the hairdresser and it’s like visiting their best friend? With the laughing and relationship updates and griping about how your life is so hard? Well, I feel all of that love and more – but for my bank. I LURVE my bank and the staff with the kind of adoration and glee that most people reserve for their life partners. But hey, if your bank provides coffee, chocolate cupcakes with chocolate frosting, and gossip on pregnancies and breakups and life changes, what do you need a life partner for?

Seriously, my bank is great. First, the staff is almost all women in their 20s and 30s (this is probably why my dad likes going to the bank too). Next, they really do have goodies all the time…cookies, chocolates, lemonade for the children. None of this hard-candy-in-a-bowl crap. The people are always really happy to see you – skeptics may say this is part of the faking it that comes with the customer service, but they really are nice! And remember your name and ask about the fam. Over cupcakes and coffee, did I mention? Speaking of the coffee, the bank is also conveniently located next to a Peet’s, in case further caffeine and warm fuzzies are needed. Oh, and not like it matters or anything, but as a credit union, they also offer some of the highest CD and interest rates available and virtually all standard services free of charge.

It’s almost too good to be true…all of that luvin’ AND they give you money? And they say there’s no such thing as a perfect relationship.

problems

addition. This encyclopedia entry is five full pages of the different ways to add. Yeah, I thought there was just one too, but there are more. It illustrates how to carry, different strategies for adding, and has a full page of sample problems. When reading the explanation of how order is irrelevant, I am reminded of my sister’s thorough understanding of that concept.

When my sister was in first grade, remember how they had all those math worksheets that were a full page of addition problems and you had a minute or five or ten to complete them all? Well, my sister’s teacher thought she had a severe mental problem because she would do half the page and then just sit there, letting the time go by. Luckily, just before she was sent off to special ed, an aide intervened and asked, “Jennifer, why don’t you do the worksheet?” To which my wise-ass sister replied, “Well, 4+3 = 7, so obviously 3+4 = 7 and I’m not going to write it again.” HAHAHA. With this early disdain for the repetitive and unnecessary, no wonder she is not eager to jump into corporate America. Because lets face it, naptime and birthday cupcakes might be gone, but there is much repetition and proving you can do something by doing stupid stuff in the workplace. And unfortunately, much less skipping of levels just because you seem bright.

I recently had a discussion about if there could be anything worse than cheating/adultery. While some propose murder (okay, I think so too, but let’s be realistic) I have decided that for me, there is in fact something worse. Which would be bringing home a dog/cat/furry animal. Now, don’t accuses me of overreacting and hating all living things – I do, but I have reasoning as well. Say my boyfriend/husband is absolutely trashed at some fete, hooks up, and crawls back home. Let’s be the bigger (and more in denial) person here and point out that it was a meaningless act of stupidity, purely physical, blah blah. Whereas, if he spends the day going out to animal stores, picking out some hairy beast, getting shots and doing paperwork and bringing a creature into my SAFE PLACE??? He is consciously doing something he knows will hurt me! It’s like the difference between killing someone in the heat of the moment/self-defense and pre-meditated murder.

Mind you, I still find the former to be a very bad thing. And hopefully this theory will never be tested, otherwise we might have a killing-someone-in-the-heat-of-the-moment issue on our hands as well.

A is for amusing

As I enter the third month of unemployment, novelty has official been replaced by boredom. Especially now that I don’t even have my flu virus to keep me in a hypochondriacal tizzy/in bed. Inspired by re-reading The Know-It-All, I have decided to start reading the encyclopedia as well. But we don’t own Britannica so I’m slumming it with the World Book instead. Don’t laugh, it’s still chock-full of fascinating tidbits.

Today in class:

Accounting. We all know the Big Four, and hopefully anyone reading this is old enough to remember the Big Five (life pre-Enron? Gas at $1.50/gallon? what?) but what about the Big Eight? The original Accounting giants included:

1. Arthur Andersen
2. Arthur Young & Company (merged with Ernst & Whinney = Ernst & Young)
3. Coopers & Lybrand (merged with Price Waterhouse = PWC)
4. Ernst & Whinney
5. Deloitte, Haskins & Sells (merged with Touche Ross = Deloitte & Touche)
6. KPMG
7. Price Waterhouse
8. Touche Ross

I realize knowing the names of now-defunct auditing firms adds virtually no value to anyone’s body of knowledge, but isn’t it fun to reminisce about the days when everyone used to talk about the Big Six and Big Five instead of the Big Four? No? Moving on then.

Acne. Caused by overactive hormones that lead to secretion of excess oils that clog the pores. Diet, personal hygiene, sleep, exercise, and the like cannot cure or prevent acne. But they do make you a cleaner and healthier human being, so keep it up anyways. Mild acne can be treated with products containing benzoyl peroxide, tetracyclin, or Vitamin A. Who needs a dermatologist when you have an encyclopedia? By the time I hit Z, I’ll probably be ready to take the MCATs. Actually, I imagine I’ll be ready after reading ‘V is for virus’. What more can there be?

ich bin krank

I enjoy the German word for sick because it sounds like cranky. Which I am, because I am sick. Also because there is no Tylenol (children’s or otherwise) in the house, NOR is there Dimetapp (which is both soothing and delicious when you chill the bottle in the fridge before drinking. It’s like a fine wine, but with antihistamines), NOR is there Emergen-C.

So today, children, we are curing the common cold with bed rest, lemons, and six types of cough drops. I’ve always found cough drops to be a choice between taste and effectiveness. Because in one camp you have Robitussin and Ricola, where you can feel the menthol hacking an airway through your esophagus. And on the other side you have Halls Fruit Breezes, which are essentially candy. Plus, I actually think cough drops are just a scam of the pharmaceutical industry that have no medicinal value, but induce you to drink more liquids, thus accelerating your recovery. You heard it here first – next week, exposed to America on the Today Show.

But in case you are unconvinced, here are my thoughts on what’s out there. Please note that flavor is essential – a crap honey lemon will beat out a high-quality cherry lozenge any day.

Strepsils (honey lemon) – My current preferred brand, both tasty and effective. Strepsils not only soothe the throat, but kill bacteria residing in the mouth and throat. UK.

Ricola (honey lemon with echinacea) - These are strong little nuggets, but the flavors are hit or miss. Plus, I know everyone’s all about echinacea, Al Gore, and tap water saving the world, but what are they doing, really? Switzerland.

Halls Fruit Breezers (cool berry) – completely useless, yet magically delicious. A non-mentholated drop whose primary ingredient is pectin, which apparently provides soothing relief and is also the primary thickening agent used in jams. Biggest strength is ability to pinch-hit as candy when bribing small children. UK.

Robitussin (honey) - An all-natural-ingredient menthol drop with a liquid honey center. I am as strongly opposed to cough drops with a liquid center as most buddhist monks are to nuclear weapons. It is just wrong and unnatural and bad for the natural balance of ecosystems. If those hardworking bees saw how their honey was being used, they would deposit stores directly in the mouths of bears just to stop the madness. I actually tried these just because I also have the cherry flavor, which is even more offensive, and I thought honey would be redeeming. It is not. US.

Luden’s (black cherry with vitamin C) – Luden’s underwent a brief stint as a subsidiary of Hershey’, which makes the effectiveness of their product immediately suspect. However, it still feels like it’s working more than Halls and the added vitamin C is a bonus. US.

After sucking my way through these bags, I am even more convinced that these are to the sore-throated community what gum is to smokers – a distraction from our greater pain. For real relief, I recommend the Bonnie-method – whole lemons. It doesn’t get more all-natural and vitamin C than that. AND it will help save the environment.

story of my life

Last week, Melinda, Susan, and I saw Avenue Q in New York.  I had been hearing for years about how it was hilarious and I knew it involved puppets, but that was about it.  A better sales pitch would have been “It’s the story of your LIFE!”  A Sesame Street for adults, numbers include: Everyone’s a little bit racist, The internet is for porn, and It’s okay to be gay.

It’s the story of our lives not only because we know what it’s like to be a recent grad and living in the city trying to pay rent/find true love/be superstars at work.  But because it emboldens our liberal university-fueled dreams of saving the world and helping people.  Because even if your Humanities BA does prove worthless, you live in squalor, and your only sources of happiness are the neighborhood bar and the internet, you can find your purpose.  Maybe even change the world.  Or at least find solace in knowing that the lives of all your friends suck too.

So forget presidents, Nobel laureates, and the Reading Rainbow guy.  Stage a performance of Avenue Q  at commencements and give college grads something they can really use in the world.  Like my new mantra: everything is just for now.