expat notes

1.  I cannot find baking soda in Munich.  I have been searching for three days in various grocery stores and even drug stores, which randomly have food, but to no avail.  I found baking powder (only once) but no soda.  How do people make biscuts and remove tough stains?

 2.  I HAVE found cupcake wrappers, however, as well as a plethora of other baking supplies at a ginormous department store downtown.  As of last Friday, my personal bakery is back in business.

 3.   Our washing machine here is about half the size of ones in America.  This means that it’s quite possible to do a load consisting of two towels.  In fact, I have done such a thing just last week.  This boggles the mind, seeing as how the most common laundry issue back home used to be “I want to wear my green shirt tomorrow but it’s dirty.  What else can I wash with it?”  Now it takes about four loads to go through one pile of laundry.  Life isn’t just black and white – now it’s black, white, light colors, and dark colors.  And the two towels, of course.

4.  I was grocery shopping yesterday and saw three Chinese women in the grains section.  Apparently one had lived here for a while and was the expert because she was explaining to the other two what everything was “Oh yeah, white people eat that for breakfast instead of porridge (oatmeal)” “That’s eaten cold…I know, cold food for breakfast! (muesli)”.  And my personal favorite “Why is the rice so SMALL?!”  Which is exactly what I have been thinking, albeit about most grain products (flour, sugar, etc).  Rice is sold in 500g packages.  500 grams?  My family could eat that in one day!  Actually, my brother could eat that in one day.

Speaking of other expats, I was discussing our ongoing efforts to communicate with the outside world with some of my classmates and they all said that everyone speaks English to them when they try to speak German.  I hadn’t noticed until then, but that never happens to me.  When I don’t understand the man at the grocery store or people on the streets, they just keep on talking in German.  My classmate hypothesized that it’s because I’m Asian, while I was thinking maybe it’s just because I smile and nod so they think I know what I’m doing?  Or I just encounter only people who don’t speak English? Because even various repairmen who have been in my house and who I have told I speak nur ein bisschen Deutsch//only a little German and see me reading SFgate don’t speak to me in English.

Also speaking of expats, I totally know who my next German friends are going to be.

in the circle

This past weekend was spent undertaking in the greatest test of my German skills yet – meeting the Verwandten//relatives.  It was kind of like the Ben Stiller movie, except without ex-CIA-agents, former SOs, or wedding.  So basically, there was a crazy cat that wanted to kill me and some bathroom dilemmas.I had been hearing about crazy German toilets since before I moved, but I had actually never seen this infamous “poop-shelf”.  Our toilet is maybe on the small, lo-flow, side, but everything is pretty normal.  But this weekend, I saw the poop-shelf!  And that thing is crazy!!!  What’s up with that?  The hole really IS all the way at the very front!  And there IS no water in the bowl whatsoever.  It freaked me out so much I didn’t defecate for the entire weekend.  That’s right, coffee, in the case of man vs. diuretic, I have emerged victorious.

But in general, the visiting the parents was good.  The speaking German even went pretty well.  And it really made me appreciate my language course because every 15 minutes, something would come up, or some grammar rules would be repeated and I would be thinking, “yeah, we learned this on Tuesday….mit+ dative case +…I’m sorry, what are we talking about now?”  But at least I had plenty of help with my weekend homework.

Keeping up with the conversation got a lot more difficult at the extended family gathering.  I mean, it was pretty good when we were talking about vacations because the vocab required is basically knowledge of European city names, good, bad, beautiful, expensive, and cheap.  The rest was a little harder to follow, although I’m pretty sure grandma was talking about me.  Actually, I know she must have been – I mean, that’s what my family does when there’s a stranger in the midst.  What’s the point of knowing another language if not to talk about people when they’re sitting right next to you?

The other cultural lesson driven home this weekend was the “one-warm-meal-a-day” rule.  Again, what is up with that??  I was aware that sometimes there is a crazy setup where you have just bread, meats, and cheese for dinner.  A little unusual, but okay.  I hear that’s how 70-year-old movie stars maintain the skin of a 50-year-old, so that’s cool.  But apparently there is sometimes also no lunch!  And while there is afternoon cake and coffee, one could go for several hours without being fed.  I get cranky when I’m not fed!  Everyone knows this!  And if I’m not fed and speaking German and sucking up all at the same time?  Such crankiness has not been known since the Park Chow incident of ‘06.

Still a good weekend of family fun.  And I had all the answers right on my homework today.  Let the good times roll.

resolutions

Before I moved to Germany, I was inspired by my former boss to resolve to cease consumption of 4-legged animals (yes, that does include kangaroos).  Not so much because I care about animals, because as anyone knows, my philosophy is, the more consumption the better, but for health reasons.  And I rationalized that even though I was about to move to wurstland, that would have no effect whatsoever on this plan of action.

HAHAHA.  I eat four-legged animals every DAY!

In other amusing news today, apparently Apple has been lamenting the “disappointing sales” of the iPhone.  Must have been even harder coming on the heels of a certain release that did live up to the hype.  Have people realized that despite internet browsing, sleek design, and live traffic reporting, it is in fact just a phone?  Granted, a completely awesome phone that I would enjoy owning, but for $600, you’d think it could also provide dates and point out free parking spaces, not just Starbucks locations.  I mean, anyone can direct me to the nearest Starbucks - just do a 360 and unless you’re in, say Munich, Germany, you should see one.  If you live in SF, what you really need is a phone that says, “someone is pulling out of a 180-in parking space on 16th and Church.  There is one Corolla and a Mini Cooper that could potentially get there before you AND fit in the space.  Go NOW!”

spoilers

Although I did spend my Saturday morning reading Harry Potter and my afternoon searching for an english-speaking fan to discuss the book with, my primary interest today is not so much series-specific spoilers as the concept itself.  Even in a foreign country, watching news I don’t understand, I still manage to grasp that the public was full of speculation and fear of that someone, somehow, just might leak the ending.  And while the fate of Harry & Co. may only have been an issue for the past few years, people have been all up in arms about spoilers in all their media for as long as I can remember.

Except, no, wait, they haven’t.  WHEN did fear of spoilers surpass fear of terrorists, the disappearing middle class, and global warming combined?  With the advent of the internet?  With the increased earning potential of major books, films, and tv series?  I would say mostly the internet, although much has to be said of the internet PLUS the viewing publics’ apparently otherwise meaningless and mundane existances.

One could argue that it’s the creation of new media and stories, that we’re no longer reading the same Shakespearean dramas or Russian classics.  Which is true, seeing as how it’s pretty hard to spoil a movie like Titanic or a book like My Life.  And the last time someone was able to spoil something like Harry Potter was probably back when Martin Luther did his bit for society and those fast German readers went around telling their neighbors, “holy shit, did you know Jesus dies in this book?  And that’s not even the end!”  “shut up!  I’m only on page 437!”

But while we may have branched out from biblical tales and classic literature, there is still a hero’s journey in some form or another in all these coming-of-age, conflict-riden tomes.  And please don’t tell me you question how romantic tales are going to end.  Teenagers and working drones may spend their afternoons wondering if Meredith and McDreamy will get back together and berating those who live in time zones 3 hours ahead and spoil the surprise of a dramatic television reunion, but weren’t the same people all watching Friends four years ago?  Or any romantic comedy at a theater near you?  They ALL get together in the end!  Or they die!  It’s not that complicated. 

I mean, look at the infamous Harry Potter.  After all that drama, debate, and fear of going online or talking to fast reading friends, what shocking truths were unearthed in the final book?  The hero kills the bad guy, gets the girl, the two sidekicks also get together, everyone goes on to have pretty little babies and they all live happily and magically ever after.  So did not see that happy ending of a children’s book series coming. 

Oops, I guess there are spoilers in here after all.

Why don’t we have more spoilers for real life?  Wouldn’t more people have watched bits of the G8 summit (protests don’t count) if there had been an internet rumor that at the end, Bush and Putin were going to make an announcement that Google had given every Chechen citizen 500,000USD to move out so they could build a new central building, from where they would officially be taking over the world (closer to China and India, you know.  Silicon Valley is so 2000.) and in exchange, Russia was going to send the top 5% of their engineers to work their every year.  Or imagine how many people would be watching the primary debates if someone said Hillary and Barack were going to announce their united ticket any day now.  Imagine if we had spoilers and fanfic for the news!  People would be running into the streets to steal their neighbors’ newspapers!  Oh wait, they do that already!  But probably because even when you hear bits and pieces, it can still be a fascinating story (see: Monicagate).  So those of you still lying in the fetal position and avoiding contact with the outside world, uncurl yourself and get a grip.  But stay off the internet – do your part for the greater good.

And in related rants, what is up with people who turn to the last page to see what happened?  You want to know the ending of a story that badly, go read the Bible.

school days

I went back to school this week, and aside from a strong primative urge to purchase a mead 5-star college-ruled notebook with pockets, it’s been fun.  And educational, even.  There are 10 people in the class, and aside from giving me the opportunity to practice speaking and infusing me with my daily dose of grammer, it provides me with the opportunity to make friends!  If I was so inclined, that is. 

No, actually, everyone is really nice and it’s surprisingly diverse.  There is another American, but then two Russians, two Polish teens who are embarrasingly by far the best students in the class thanks to their high school language department, and students from Brazil, the Philippines, and Japan.  So I am really most impressed by our teacher’s ability to teach a new language to a group of people with no common first language.  For those of you who studied languages in school, or even as adults through language centers, can you imagine doing that without using English?  I was beside myself just waiting to see how it was done.  As it turns out, it’s done by speaking German and babbling on until everyone gets it.  Or with pictures and arm-waving.  Which is also fun.  And I think really, a better way to learn because instead of learning how to translate English/Japanese/Portuguese, etc, we’re just learning German.  It sounds like the same thing, but it really isn’t.  Because we’re learning to think in German. 

Sad to say, good times in school have not yet made a noticible difference in my interactions with the outside world, but it’s only been 3 days.  I have high hopes.  I’ve also given up on Harry Potter auf Deutsch and started the final march of reading one book a day in a countdown to Samstags//Saturday’s release.  Now that I’m getting into the final volumes, it’s taking more time – yesterday, by the time I finished book 4, there wasn’t even time to watch any OC!  But I recently discovered that they show reruns of The OC (or, as they call it, OC California) every Sunday.  Rachel Bilson speaking German?  I knew she was a genius!  So after Saturday, my life will still have meaning. 

In other cultural happenings, I’ve been trying to read the paper to get more practice.  Which is great because 1) articles are short 2) there are photos 3) I can make notes and write translations all over the pages.  Of course, I could be productively reading Bild every day, which is something of a cross between the Chron and Star, but then I wouldn’t be able to play the role of the precocious intellectual snob.  So I spend my afternoons struggling over Welt, Germany’s answer to the WSJ.  Granted, only the arts, sports, and travel sections, but sometimes I dabble in business.  Those business articles may be about the LVMH’s purchase of Puma, but they’re still in the business section.

weekend review

Random notes from the weekend

• I had my first conversation that was all-German, with 100% comprehension, and held with a total stranger.  Granted, he was 5 and we talked about him pretending to be a cat and liking strawberry yogurt, but STILL!  100% comprehension, my friends!

• Finally got to see Harry Potter (this edition brought to you by Converse All-Stars) and the best part, hands down, was when Harry was about to get his mack on with some girl and from one side I heard an audible “oh, no” while from the other I heard, “I bet he’s going to show her his magic wand.”  People!  Think of the children!  Granted, there are no children because they haven’t studied English yet, but still.

• The 30+ temperatures of the past few days wouldn’t bother me if it weren’t for the complete lack of ice in this city/country/continent.  Nothing wrong with spending a Saturday afternoon browsing the shops or Sunday morning walking through the parks, but to engage in this activities without an iced beverage in hand??  How do people find the will to carry on??  But since I’d have better luck finding a strip mall with a Toyota dealership, Walmart, and vegetarian Mongolian restaurants than stumbling across a cafe selling ice teas to go with Cafe-Dolci-sized ice cubes, we must trudge on, sweaty water bottles in hand

• I have unknowingly been drinking soda!  Something I have been avoiding for as long as I can remember.  How the scheme was revealed: my beer garden beverage of choice is a Radler (half beer, half lemonade).  Sounds weird, but tasty and easier on the Asian glow.  But at the movies this weekend, I asked for a lemonade, and was given a Sprite.  Which, it turns out, IS lemonade!  And what is in Radlers!  Ignorance really is bliss.

toot-toot!

It turns out that spending the last two days immobilized on the living room floor watching The O.C., Season 3 and making cards, getting up only to hunt and gather, has not had any permanently damaging effects on my more cerebral pursuits. That is to say, I went to sign up for Deutsch classes today and managed to test into level 3, thanks to a combination of intensive studying, genius, and some good-old-fashioned SAT strategies. But mostly, Ich bin clever. At least, that’s what I’ll be screaming as they drag me off to level 1 on Monday.

Also, the best thing I have seen in Germany (and possibly in my entire life):

reruns

Two bathroom questions I have been pondering:

1.  If you are the only one home, is it okay to leave the door open while showering/using the facilities/etc?  I personally always shut and lock for every minute task, unless I am only washing my hands for the nth time due to complete OCD.   But Goofy has poised the arguement that not only is this unnecessary, if a burgler/murderer was to break in, I would probably have greater concerns than whether or not any of my bits are exposed to him.

2.  I favor toothbrushes with the little blue indicator stripe, even though I have always faithfully followed the 3-month rotation.  But today I noticed that my 2-month old toothbrush is already fading away.  So for the rest of the morning, I’ve been deliberating, keep or replace?

I leave you all to answer these questions as I head out to explore the city (ie: find a clothes donation bin – they do that here??  Apparently I should be able to find it right next to glass recycling and trash).  Unfortunately for all you readers, I cannot be funny and witty every day.  I am not a Friends episode.  Although, if I was, I would only have to be funny. 

gaston is mean and arrogant

I like kids. 

Just thought I would start off with that in case any new mommies, indignant defenders of little people, or Mensa geniuses start posting scathing comments. 

But as much as I enjoy ogling a sweet, clean, and puffy-cheeked baby, once it’s bounced around and cheeks are pinched and incoherent syllables babbled, what’s left to do?  Not much, you would think.  Unless, of course, the adorable child in question happened to be the next Mensa kid.  Now, that is a child that really adds value to your life above and beyond lowering your taxes.  I mean, as an adult, I do often have trouble drawing a perfect circle!  It’s tough work.  Squares too, for that matter.

But rest assured that even if your little progeny bears an IQ of merely 150, they could still bring you fame, fortune, or even a knighthood.

wiki-fun

To entertain myself in the new country, I thought I would engage in some of my favorite activities to see how they go.  Namely, color-coordinating my closet, hunting and gathering food, and surfing Wikipedia.  I’ll try not to bore you all with details on the first two, aside from the fact that today I located quinoa and bulgar.  And their names are exactly the same in German.  The foodie-health-nut voices in my stomach have been appeased. 

So while browsing de.wikipedia.org, I was both elated and saddened to see the post of today:

http://de.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bay_Bridge

Elated because there are photos of my beloved city and because I just learned the word geschichte//history from reading my children’s books and spent the weekend mixing it up with geschikte//clever, handy and gesicht//face.  And saddened because it’s so pretty!  Granted, it’s really not that pretty, what with the 20-year construction project permanently juxtaposed in the panorama and the $4 toll (what’s up with that?  Didn’t it used to be $2 not that long ago?).  And it’s certainly no Golden Gate.  But it does happen to be the road to all good things, such as my alma mater, Ranch 99, and those shady taco trucks off the 580 that can only be visited between the hours of 1-3AM.  It’d be enough to make me feel weepy if I wasn’t struggling to communicate with the fridge repair man while he waves around tools and papers and I offer him a drink because it’s all I know how to say.  Also not weepy because of dark chocolate Ritter Sports I purchased in anticipation of such an event.

Speaking of the reading, S.Tong made the fabulous suggestion of learning German by reading Harry Potter, rationalizing that it would be easy since a)I have them practically memorized, b) they are children’s books, and c) half the words are made up anyways and would therefore be the same.  I was much compelled by this arguement and picked up book 1 in German last week and settled down, figuring I could do a chapter a day or so.  2 hours and three pages later, I was ready to throw in the towel.  Harry Potter is some advanced literature.  Nothing at all like reading the comics, advertisements on the street, or my other children’s books that have English on one side and German on the other (those are completely awesome learning tools, by the way.  Not only does it really improve my vocab without driving the German crazy by asking him for a definition every 30 seconds, it reminds me of reading The Canterbury Tales, which is always fun).  Anyways, upon returning from Italy, I tried to pick it up again last night, but gave up and watched the DVD instead.

And speaking of HP, what’s the point of living in a country where you can watch the latest movie an entire 33 hours (released one day earlier + 9 hr time difference) before your friends if a) the U-bahn closes before the movie ends and the theater is too far away to walk and b) your only friend has to get up for work the next day at 6am and refuses to attend the midnight show.  Even if it does start at 11:59, which is not that late.

in 50m, enter the autobahn. then buckle your seat belt.

Just returned from a week in Italia spent lying out by Lago di Garda (with the SPF 55, of course – the German was like, “Sunscreen goes up to fifty-five??“), eating 4 scoops of gelato a day, and stocking up on wines.  And spending every few hours saying, hey, why don’t we live here instead? 

The lake really was beautiful, with tiny towns doting the coast.  It’s also right next to Verona, which we visited one day.  Our one day tour – churches, the arena, and Juliet’s house.  So we stood there, in the romantic Italian garden with the balcony overhead and between walls lined with testemants of love.  And I was thinking, those were two stupid kids.  There was a ginormous line of overeagar would-be Juliets waiting to take photos atop the balcony, waving to the loved ones below.  It was suggested that I also ascend for my photo opportunity, but then I made the better suggestion of deciding which woman was the hottest and taking her photo so that I wouldn’t have to wait in line.  And as luck would have it, she happened to be one of my Asian sisters, so it could be me.

Another newly discovered fabulous part of Munich is that you really can go anywhere from here.  We made it to the hotel in three hours, even with a few stops on the road.  As I was preparing for the move, some of my testosterone-fueled friends were envying my access to the autobahn and insisting this was reason enough to learn to drive stick.  Let me tell you, if I barely drive a normal, automatic car on the nice five-lane 101, I will not be popping and shifting as German and Italian manics threaten my life.  Or whatever it is you do in a manual car.  And maniacs, they are!  Here’s what our road-trip conversation was like:

The German: Look, 220km/hr and the car doesn’t shake at all!

Me: Great!  Let’s see what it’s like at 120km/hr!

Plus, we arrived more than an hour before the time anticipated by the GPS.  That can’t be good.  For my heart.  Speaking of GPS, that’s my new favorite game to play.  I would say about half of my current German vocabulary has come from the wise woman behind the screen.  When we walk around the city, I serve as our personal GPS system with helpful comments such as “In 200m, turn right.  Go straight.  In 50m, enter the U-Bahn and ride to Marienplatz.  In 100m, buy Audrey a snack.”  More fun than Scrabble, let me tell you.

holy scheisse!

Ich bin in Munchen und es ist FREAKIN’ me out!

So goes Germany.  Actually, it’s been going well so far.  For those of you not up to speed, last year, I quit my job to go frolick about the globe, with extended stays in Europe, India, and Singapore.  On said trip, I met a German man who somehow talked me into moving across the world to a city with no burritos and fewer Asian people than Santa Rosa.  So, here I am.  In Munchen for an indeterminate length of time.  And as I am currently unemployed and friendless, with the vocabulary of a 3-year-old (sorry, Rohit, not quite up to kindergarten status), frequent blogging to commence now.  That is, after a week-long trip to Italy, which is my birthday gift.  There are benefits to moving here after all.

For your reading enjoyment, I already have an Amerikanerin in Deutschland story.  The German thoughtfully went on a drugstore scavenger hunt to buy all of my toiletries, saving me some packing weight.  So I was pleased to discover all the necessary products neatly lined up in the bathroom upon arrival.  However, for the first few days, I was thinking how my bath gel was surprisingly non-sudsy.  I chalked this up to the new loofah, because you know how sometimes it’s too stiff for the first few times.  But just yesterday, I realized that for THREE days, I have been showering with LOTION and rubbing SOAP on my body afterwards!!!  Holy scheisse indeed.  And lest you think me a moron, I would like to point out that they are both Dove products in nearly identical containers, and the bath gel is called “Beauty Creme” while the lotion is labeled “Hydro-Body”.  Help a girl out here!  I am writing a letter of protest to the company immediately demanding name changes in the German line.  I invite you all to sign my online petition.