new lows

There are many times when I accuse the German of being “so German” or my actions/words are decreed to be “so American”. But in the whole wide world of cultural differences, once you sort out gender difference and plain weirdness, I have identified one, true, great cultural divide: the acceptability of wearing grubby clothes.

I love my grubbies. I wear my grubbies all the time, ranging from threadbare jammies with holes to somewhat more respectable hoodies and track jackets. My acceptability rating is something like this:

Inside apartment: anything. anything, anything, anything, including the same threadbare-holey-jammies which are also stinky and unwashed because I wore them for an entire week of being an unemployed hausfrau.

Outside our apartment but still within the greater building (cellar, garage, mailboxes, etc): Please see above.

Trips outside the house that are less than 30 minutes in duration (bakery, post office, etc): No jammies. Any other grubbies with no holes that reveal my unmentionables. Holes in knees, wrists cuffs, and pant bottoms are perfectly acceptable.

Trips to the greater outside world: None of the above, including no track or sweat pants. Track jackets and sweatshirts okay.

The German’s acceptability rating is a little bit more like this:

Inside the apartment: Anything that does not have holes and was recently laundered.

Outside the apartment but within the greater building: track pants and sweatshirts are okay. No pajamas. Please note that this also applies to our doorway, meaning that if one is wearing pjs and the door rings, the ONLY acceptable options are to a) change, then answer or b) not answer. This rule also applies for pizza AND opening the door just to let the other (appropriately dressed) person out! WTF???

Trips outside the house that are less than 30 minutes in duration: similar to my standards, but no holes.

Trips to the greater outside world: No grubbies, baseball caps, sports wear, or otherwise offensive clothing.

I remember a similar experience last year when I met two German college students and we were talking about universities and they expressed shock that Americans would wear pjs to SCHOOL! Hahaha, I’d like to send them over during Spirit/Finals Week and watch their heads explode. It’s probably more frightening to them than guns and terrorism.

Speaking of terrorism, apparently I have been watching too much 24, because my colleague was telling me about how she saw some police cars and a helicopter near her apartment and I suggested, “Maybe it was a nuclear bomb! Or a terroist attack!” To which she replied, “Um…in Tudering (Californian readers, please insert Napa)?”

cliff notes

Today’s news for dummies

1.  Heathrow opens the long-awaited Terminal 5 today, the construction of which consumed over six years and 4.3 billion GBP (8.6 billion USD).  But since it is brand new and big and shiny, the British feel this is an accomplishment to be celebrated.  However, let us not forget that Beijing opened Terminal 3 in their airport last month, completed in four years and at the cost of 3.5 billion USD.  And it is 60% larger than all five of Heathrow’s terminals combined.

2.  Also in the news was a global polling on US presidential candidates, which found that Europeans prefer Obama, while Asians prefer Clinton.  As do Asian-Americans, which have consistently given her 75% of their vote.  Some people credit this to racism, which may not be unfounded, but hello, not like Asian culture and history has been so kind to women.  I prefer to credit it to our general intellectual superiority, as evidenced in item 1.

3.  Herb Peterson, creator of the Egg McMuffin died today.  While I have no particular affinity for this handheld breakfast treat, but it was invented by a fellow Californian and featured in Clueless as the primary reason for Travis’ habitual tardiness, so a moment of silence, please.

Okay, now that you’re up on the most important issues today, back to perezhilton with you!

oh mein gott

The German just sent me an email complaining about a new and impossibly annoying colleague that ended with: Oh mein Gott, das halte ich nicht aus, bitte gebt mir einen Fallschirm.

Which roughly translates to: Oh my god, I can not, please give me a parachute.

In my work environment, a colleague of mine spent an hour on the phone talking about “penetrating” new associates.  I’m not quite sure what she was trying to say, nor am I quite sure of the appropriate way to correct her choice of words.

Hahaha….those crazy Germans.

easter festivus

My Easter memories for the first 25 years of my life consist of one Easter egg hunt hosted by friends of my parents in their backyard.  There were little plastic eggs filled with candy and dimes and various other treats, games and refreshments afterwards, and much fun was had by all.  Then the next year, the father had a heart attack and I think the family moved away and now it’s 2008 and apparently people I know are celebrating Easter again.

Things I have learned about the Easter culture:
1.  Easter is as important as Christmas!!!  Just because there are no big sales does NOT mean this is a minor holiday.  I suppose those of us studying the “good book” would have figured out that Jesus death (and subsequent activities) is as important as his birth, if not more.  But, yeah, that passed me by.

2.  Easter egg hunts – not just for kids.  My boss and I staged one at work, which was met with huge enthusiasm.  To the extent that people showed up for the hunt with bags in hand.  And an hour afterwards, I ran into a guy in the kitchen still searching, convinced there were more eggs that had not yet been found.

3.  Europeans do not make little plastic eggs for aforementioned Easter activities.  Apparently, Europeans don’t believe in plastic, just giant paper, metal, and wooden eggs.  Apparently, we are bad Americans with no regard for the environment for even inquiring after their existence.  But, as we like to grumble, plastic eggs can last a lifetime, so they’re BETTER for the environment.  Reuse, reduce, recycle!

4.  In line with item #1, Easter is a Real Holiday.  To be celebrated by not working on Friday OR Monday.  Or in some countries, not Thursday either.  Thursday!  How long exactly did all this rising up from the dead take?

5.  Bunnies are consumed not only as chocolates, cookies, cakes, and breads, but in their natural state, as roasted meat, dripping with gravy.  Best. Easter. Ever.

good things

It’s that time again, when the German complains that I never blog anything complimentary about him.  At least, not without prefacing it with a disclaimer that I do so under duress.

Regardless, I have given this some thought, and as much as I hate to be one of those people who think being in relationship is so great, there is an undeniable value in his presence.  Namely, that when you are brushing your teeth and counting the moles on your face wondering if any of them are new/larger/darker, there is another person who can state with authority that there has been no change in Mole Status whatsoever.  This is extremely valuable with the prevalence of skin cancer these days.  Especially when combined with my slight hypochondria.  Even if my sun exposure for the past nine months of living in Germany has probably been less than that of a week in California.  Plus, it saves me the trouble of taking weekly photos of my face and studying moles for any changes.

california love

It’s not every day we have nice things to say about Arnie, but he has really outdone himself with the creation of a cabinet post for a Secretary of Services and Volunteering. With his naming of California Volunteers director Karen Baker to this post on Feb. 26, he highlights that California’s most important resource is its citizens. This is the heart of what makes California by far the best state in the nation – the people who volunteer as firefighters, teach at distinguished universities, and dream up ideas like Google and The O.C. Not to mention the fact that the accomplishments of Californians are what allows us to contribute approximately 15% of the nation’s GDP (more than we get back from the federal government, thank you very much), and claim one of the 10 largest economies in the world.

Aside from recognizing the value of volunteer workers, especially in emergency situations, this move is most commendable for getting to the core of government’s purpose: to collect any weaknesses we may have as individuals and channel them into a greater good.  While this idea has been viciously opposed and argued when it comes to health care, education, and pretty much anything that matters aside from interstate highways, it’s hard to imagine people criticizing government for having a big-brother attitude here.  True, it’s not exactly a victory for socialism, but it is an acknowledgement of the greater strength of combined and well-managed resources.

Some may chalk up the saving-the-world attitude to youth and naivete, but I like to think it’s something we don’t grow out of.  Or that at least I won’t because, as B. often says, all Berkeley graduates want to save the world.  But seeing the reactions of every day citizens in the aftermath of events like Hurricane Katrina, the Asian Tsunami, and the Southern California fires fuels my optimism.  True, young people exude attitudes of self-entitlement and surface-level interest in current events combined with deep obsession over celebrities, but hey, if they’re also off joining the Peace Corps and funding their own trips to New Orleans to rebuild houses, there is hope yet.

much ado about nothing

A highlight of media speculation these days is the disputed delegates of Florida and Michigan and arguments for and against a re-vote.  The biggest issue being cost, as both the states and the DNC refuse to cough up the funds.

Is it painfully obvious to anyone besides myself that the clear solution is to ask both Clinton and Obama camps to split the costs of a re-vote?  While the estimated price tag of $6-10 million is unimaginable for the Florida government subsiding on fixed-income taxes, it’s pocket change to the campaigns who have raked in $35 and $55 million in the month of February alone.  And while the governors of the conflicted states argue that the DNC cannot ask their citizens to pay for another election, and the DNC argues that they have to stock their coffers for a November election, we can certainly ask the candidates (well, their supporters) to pay up.

Assuming all parties involved can agree on some kind of format, it is unimaginable that either campaign would say, “sorry, gotta save that $3 million to run ads in the Indianapolis Star.”

wedding marches

Whenever I attend a wedding, I am inspired by things I would like to incorporate in any future nuptials of my own. That is, assuming I marry someone other than the current top contender, who continues to push the eloping-in-vegas-and-buying-a-house-with-the-windfall strategy. Nice try, buster. In the competition to get married, men should take note that comments such as these generally net a point deduction equal to that of falling off the balance beam with one’s bra strap showing.

Anyways, one long standing belief of mine that remains unchanged, fueled by a combination of laziness and one too many viewings of Father of the Bride, is that if I ever walk down that aisle, I am doing so in white Chucks.

Actually, seeing as how German weddings seem to be vying with Indian weddings for duration records, I might start implementing this policy as a guest.

back to our regularly scheduled programming

Welcome to March and the return of elitism!  Today’s post is also sponsored by our surprise guest, patriotism.

The other day, someone at work was talking about all the storms in America and mentioned the tornado-related deaths of last month. Another colleague responded, “well, when I hear about things like that and Hurricane Katrina happening in America, I always think that’s what they deserve.”

Seriously? That doesn’t give much cred to all those Europeans who purportedly hate Bush but like Americans.  Actually, it sounds a lot like hating all Americans.  I realize that our government’s refusal to sign the Kyoto Protocol and general excess in the realm of carbon emissions is bad.  Very bad and a definite factor in these natural disasters.  But after the 2004 tsunami in South-East Asia, I didn’t hear people walking around saying, “well, that’s what they deserve for living so close to China and India.”  I hardly think the 2,000 people who died in Hurricane Katrina contributed significantly more carbon emissions to the environment and were thus hand-picked to be sent to horrific deaths.  And as a resident of California, I find this especially insulting, as earthquakes have no correlation with pollution, yet are also potentially deadly natural disasters.

Yes, America has not been the greatest friend to the planet.  But there’s a reason why these events are called natural disasters and to imply that deaths related to them are a matter of comeuppance is both offensive and cruel.  This holier-than-thou attitude from people who live 600 miles from the nearest ocean and have never experienced anything more severe than a thunderstorm is irking.  Anyways, we gave the world Al Gore.