junk

Over the weekend, I visited a big fair in Munich called Auer Dult.  Part flea market, part carnival, part crafts fair, the most fascinating part by far was the “As-seen-on-TV” goods.  It slices! It dices!  It juliennes!  It cleans all types of grease marks off glass!  Wait, maybe that last one was a different product.  But anyways, I have long loved those amazing products you see on TV, so it was even better seeing them demonstrated in person.  Aisle upon aisle of enthusiastic promoters cleaning windows, vacuuming rugs, and frying potatoes.  Although I had to talk the German out of buying various magical car cleaning chemicals, he also had to get me away from a personal vacuum sealer by distracting me with some XXL fries.

Among my all-time favorite as-seen-on-tv products are:

1.  The Magic Bullet.  Who doesn’t want one of these?  The idea of making your own sauces, smoothies, and nachos in just 3, 2, 1 seconds!  Plus, with assorted covers so you can identify individual glasses, microwave the contents, or save extra chopped onions for tomorrow’s soup!

2.  The Garment steamer.  Not only will you never have to iron again, it takes the wrinkles out FIVE times faster than traditional ironing!!

3.  Any Tupperware product with interchangeable lids and containers.  Especially that one with a handy rotating storage tray.  Every lid goes with every box!  No more rummaging through the cupboards to find the right lid!  It’s a beautiful thing.

best popular

I’m sure you all have seen the studies decrying the new lows of American high school students.  It’s even made it’s way to the national magazines and news here, where the German asks in shock if it can possibly be true that 1/3 of American high school students do not graduate.

There was also much shock expressed at the inability to identify Adolf Hitler.  This led to a greater discussion of whether or not Adolf Hitler is the most well-known name in the world.  The German believes so, I tend to disagree, however, I am unable to offer any alternatives aside from Britney Spears.  While Google Trends agrees, I’m not sure it’s the most accurate predictor.

So, fair readers, any thoughts?  Who would you say is the most-recognized person in history?  And I mean real history – sorry, J.C.

a cultural fascination

Today is Armenian Genocide Commemoration Day, and for those of you who are not quite settled on a favorite former member state of the Soviet Republic, some interesting facts to consider when making your choice.

1.  Armenian is the home of Mt. Ararat, where Noah’s Ark landed.  Okay, technically, the mountain is in Turkey, but it’s RIGHT NEXT to Armenia and most Armenians claim it as their national symbol, even including it on their coat of arms.

2.  The Armenian Genocide is generally agreed to have occurred between 1915 – 1917, commencing with the imprisonment of 250 Armenian intellectual and community leaders and leading to roughly 500,000 deaths (although some claim up to 1.5 million).  This is why Armenians don’t like Turkish people.  Much like how Chinese people don’t like Japanese people.  These dislikes are similar in that few people outside of the countries are aware of it.

3.  Glendale, CA has the largest Armenian population in America.  It also has Glendale Galleria.

4.  Armenia was the first non-Baltic state to cede from the Soviet Union.

5.  Most Armenian last names end in -ian or -yan.

For further details, please contact your local Armenian embassy.  Or, the next time you meet someone with a name ending in -ian/-yan, try asking them.  I have a 6-0 record.

crazy, sexy, cool

Thursday is such a good day.  I have German lesson and learn things (and more importantly, show off my perfect homework and neat handwriting).  It’s just before Friday.  And most importantly, it marks a new episode of Germany’s Next Top Model.  Now, a night with Heidi Klum and a plate of double chocolate chip cookies – not so terrible.

Friday would normally be an even better day, but today I’m sick, dizzy, my train broke down and I went on a cross-city bus-changing adventure with 50 other grumpy passengers, and my throat hurts so badly I cannot eat any more cookies.

But anyways, back to Heidi & Co.  I had never succumbed to ANTM back home, but given my limited German vocabulary, it was only a matter of time before I was naturally drawn to a show where half the dialog is slang from the English language (ie: cool, sexy, super).  And with typical German efficiency, within just 8 shows, the field has been narrowed from 30 girls (well really, a couple thousand) to 9.  It really is interesting to see who ends up getting cut because the people I had selected as the three hands-down-hottest are long gone.  It took me a few weeks to realize it’s not so much base hotness as “model” quality.  Which apparently means lanky and attractive-but-bland.

During last night’s episode, I had a culture shock when it turned out this week’s photo shoot was going to be…NUDE!  First of all, I highly doubt that they have this event on ANTM.  Somehow, I don’t see any channel getting approval to instruct 15 and 16 year olds to strip down and smile.  Second of all, I doubt American teenage girls would all strip down without crying about being fat, ugly, blah blah.  Okay, one girl did cry, but 10% insecurity is not so bad.  And thirdly, even given presence of factors A and B, I definitely do not see girls in question running up to show off their nude photos to their friends and family afterwards.  This is just one of those things, like 5% tips, beer for breakfast, and universal health care, that does not translate.

more than words

Whenever I make a brilliant suggestion, the German always responds with “that’s not the worst idea”, which greatly offends me as I consider all my ideas to be brilliant and feel that he is not expressing appropriate enthusiasm for said brilliance.  However, over time, I have learned that “not the worst idea” is apparently supposed to be complimentary and indicate that a good suggestion has been made.  I still dislike it, and have recently taken to saying all of his ideas are “not the worst.”  Amusingly, this offends him as well, as I am American, so when I say something is not the worst idea, it actually means a) it IS the worst idea or b) it is the second worst idea.  ever.

I know many an enterprising mind have collaborated to make English/American dictionaries – perhaps my fellow expats and I should create a German/American one as well?

German/American dictionary

Phrase: That’s not the WORST idea
German definition: That’s a pretty good idea
American definition: That IS the worst idea

Phrase: Would you like a mint?
German definition: Would you like a mint?
American definition: You have stinky breath.  Eat a mint.
Note: “You have stinky breath” in German would be said as “You have stinky breath.”

Phrase: Would you please…
German usage: When speaking with American colleagues
American usage:  When speaking to everyone

usw.

time to celebrate

Every morning this week, I have woken up and thought, “YES! It’s Sunday!  Unfortunately, this has only been true for one of four days.

I’ve heard many an expat and German discuss the Frühlingsmudigkeit (Spring Tiredness) and the Föhren (hot air?) that make people tired, depressed, have migraines, blah blah.  These claims are all backed up with talk of hot air coming down from the Alps and being trapped in the city, or something about changing daylight.  But the Germans love their diseases, so this was all dismissed as whining from those who are not chipper morning people like myself.  However, for the past two weeks, karma has come back big time – I have never been so tired!  I can sleep 8, 9 hours a day and still not want to get out of bed.  A far cry from my normal eyes-popping-open-at-6am-on-Saturday, shrieking, “I’m awake!  I’m awake!”

This whole not-wanting-to-go-to-school feeling is especially frustrating as May will bring a slew of national holidays.  Not a plethora, per se, but three, which is enough to re-charge.  Especially since two fall on Thursday, and I full intend to enjoy a “bridge” Friday as well.  But while three holidays in one month is nothing to scoff at, this highlights a greater problem confronting the German public: lack of “flexible” holidays.

In the US, if the 4th of July falls on Saturday, we would have Friday off.  Or holidays are specially built to fall on the “fourth Monday” “second Tuesday” and whatnot to ensure that there is the same number of holidays every year.  In Germany, land of people who love to talk about how much holiday they get, there are no such make-up holidays.  If the national holiday, October 3, falls on a Sunday, you are outta luck, buster.  Likewise this month with Ascension, which coincides with Labor Day (May 1) this year.  In some countries, they are awarding May 2 as a make-up holiday.  Not so with our German friends.  So when all is said and done, this year we only have 10 holidays in Germany – not much to brag about if you asked me!

Although any time you’re ensured 25 days of holiday, I guess you’re not supposed to complain.

vive la france!

I have a new favorite French person in the world.  Not only is he hilarious, he is also the antithesis of the stereotypical Frenchman, as highlighted in these examples:

1.  Thinks America is the biggest, coolest country ever.  Echoed what I have been saying for months when he said “I drove from LA to SF and was thinking, my god, I’ve driven across the width of France and I’m still in the same state!”

2.  Loves junk food.  Especially mall food courts.  Has eaten a burrito.

3.  Thinks Americans are the friendliest people ever, especially those in West Virginia and Texas.  Visited just after the “freedom fries” debate and was pleasantly surprised to discover that that most people in those states bore no ill will towards him for the Chirac’s refusal to support the war (likely because they did not actually know Chirac denounced the war, or even that he was president of France, but I didn’t rain on his parade).

4.  Admires the strict anti-smoking policy, even going so far as to say that California’s ban on smoking in cars with children present was a good idea.

Has Sarkozy’s pro-American stance already spread to the masses?

fun in the sun

Recently returned from a business trip to Malaga, and one of the biggest perks of living in Europe is the fact that even when you go somewhere random, it’s still SPAIN.  As opposed to, say, Utah.  I was going to say it was the first time I have seen the ocean since I came here, but as I typed, I remember it’s not.  Still.  I definitely had more fish this week than the entire previous 8 months of living in Germany.  No horror stories of food poisoning from improperly frozen and shipped fish here!

Stuff German people like: sunshine.  Also, temperatures about 15 degrees.  Never mind that it is still freezing cold and any self-respecting Californian would be bundled up in puffy jackets, once it rises above 15 degrees, the restaurants and cafes start seating people outdoors, ice cream vendors have lines down the street, and people walk around wearing shorts.

More Stuff German People like: Shorts.  Also, white pants.  Although this apparently applies to all non-British Europeans, as they were the ones to ask me about adding “no short-shorts or white pants for men” to our company dress code.

One night in Malaga, I noticed a woman in the lobby of the hotel who was looking at me and seemed vaguely familiar.  So I went up and said, “Hello, have we met?”  Unfortunately, the answer was “Actually, I’m your boss’ boss, Senior VP of the company, and we’ve just spent two days locked in a room together with only six other people, so yes, we have met.”  What could I say?  People look different when they put their hair in a ponytail?  All white people look alike?  I didn’t think either of those would be appropriate, so I settled for, “haha…that was awkward.”  HAHAHAHA.