sugar, chocolate, crack

When Hershey bought out Scharffen Berger in 2005, the Bay Area was lulled into submission by promises that nothing would change.  Except that Scharffen Berger chocolate would be made in an Illinois factory and that the original Berkeley home will be shut down this year.  Not that the Bay Area is lacking in quality chocolate, what with Bittersweet, Recchiuti, or some born-in-Santa-Rosa favorites.  But mass-production takes the fun out of things.

Although, despite hardly ever buying candy that isn’t pure dark chocolate or packed with love by Denise from A l’Etoile d’Or or cookies that don’t come freshly baked from a bakery or patisserie, I do have one factory-cookie weakness.  They may not be made with love, or even from real Girl Scouts, but I think they might have crack.  At least the Samoas do.  I thank god¹ every day for Munich’s sizable expat community that puts these in my grubby little paws every year.  Expats in Heidelberg seem to be doing okay as well.  I used to think Girl Scout cookies might be one of those things that don’t actually taste as good as we think they do, it’s just all the nostalgia and memories associated with them.  But the German couldn’t keep his mitts off the Samoas either which leads me to be believe that there are indeed addictive drugs added.  And in case you were worried about salmonella, Tagalongs have been approved for consumption.  But I would encourage you to stay away from my two boxes for your own safety.

¹The other day I was talking about a super-religious colleague in another country who often says things like “god will provide this” or “I trust in god to do this” and my German colleague said she didn’t realize these were religious statements.  Apparently the defunct irony-filter couldn’t tell the difference between my “oh my god” and “thank god” and truly religious sentiments.  Amusing or alarming?

Once you’ve made the call on that amusing v. alarming question, tackle this level two question:

celebrate!

Yesterday was a very special day for America.  A day that transcends barriers of race, age, gender, and sexual orientation.  A day that I celebrated, despite being in Germany, and that I hope others did as well.  Because although National Cheese Lover’s Day is only an American holiday, I see no reason why citizens of the world cannot enjoy it.  Except maybe some of my Asian brethren.  You know who you are.

But I celebrated with the classic tomato soup and grilled cheese sandwich – if I had known before 4pm, I could have made arrangements for mac and cheese, but for some reason my work calender only has things like New Year’s Day and Easter.  Even if you missed this auspicious event, you can prepare for 2010 by finding out what kind of cheese you are.  Speaking of my stomach, I also discovered this list of official state foods (well, Wikipedia-official).  I’m torn between disappointment that California, salad bowl of America, has none and a general feeling of superiority that my home state is too busy debating same-sex marriage and universal health care to vote on whether the state pastry should be a strudel or a sopaipilla.  And if you think that’s a laughable debate, clearly you are not from Oklahoma (state vegetable: watermelon.  Yes, you read that right).  Ladies and gentlemen, there are not red states and blue states, black states and white states, queer states and straight states.  There’s Oklahoma and there’s everyone else.

why i oughta…

If there’s anything small Asian women like more than laughing about stuff white people like it would have to be punching people in the face.  And in case you don’t have your own list of candidates, you can find some inspiration on People Who Deserve It.  Since the German population is a little under-represented here (except for Traveler with Giant Backpack on the Subway and Douche Who Wears Sunglasses Inside), I would like to suggest the following categories for fellow expats trolling for victims:

- Baby Picture on iPhone Guy.  You know what the iPhone’s number one use is?  Not surfing the internet, not listening to music, not even sending emails just because they will include the “sent from my iPhone” line (although that’s a close second).  It’s to show off a 70 picture photo collage of your child.  In the olden days, your wallet could only hold so many snapshots.  But now those 16GB are yours to fill.

- KVR Drone.  Government employees bringing us new lows every day.

- Pretentious European Food Snob.  Please note, American pizza is infinitely better and more diverse than German pizza.  And spare me the line about being just like Italy – every pizza place here is run by Turkish immigrants who also sell fried rice, thai curry, hamburgers, and pints of Haagen-Dazs.  And I despair over the lack of farmers markets daily.

- One Warm Meal a Day Guy.  Denying the weekday pleasure of omelets, soups, and roast chicken in the name of “health” and espousing the virtues of brotzeit.  Oh wait, I live with this guy.

- People who say, “but where are you from??”  America.  My parents, too.  I’m yellow, I know, it’s crazy.

only in america

I was raised in a home with a healthy amount of skepticism towards MLK Day.  As the only individual in America to be recognized with his own federal holiday, I think my dad had trouble wrapping his head around the theory that MLK ≥ all US presidents combined.  But that pales in comparison to now – living with someone who had never heard of Rosa Parks (not even via those great disseminators of civil rights history, Andre 3000 and Big Boi) and working for a company with headquarters in the south, where apparently they don’t celebrate the Rev.

This lack of appreciation for civil rights and regret at not being in the US for tomorrow’s inauguration inspire me to bring you something truly and uniquely American:

The Krispy Kreme abortion consipiracy.  And I thought the Rachel Ray Muslim conspiracy theorists were hitting the bottom.  It’s been a hard year for donut chains.  Or, donut chains are poisoning both our bodies and our minds.  Take your pick.

socialism

Last night the German and I watched Sicko.  FYI, for you expats out there, this is not the film to watch if you ever want your European partner to move back to the US with you.  Although, as with any Michael Moore film, it vastly oversimplifies the topic and glamorizes life in Europe.  What’s up with showing that the main expenses of a French couple is mortgage and holidays?  Like 40% taxes does not count as a significant monthly expense?  Granted, French people are even better off than most Europeans, but they still have to pay taxes.  Also, that’s why the French government is so po’ now.

I am fully in support of universal health care, but it’s completely ignorant to pretend that a young and healthy person will not have to pay more for their care than they do now.  That’s kind of how the whole thing works.  But, as the doctor in the film said, the idea is to use what you need and pay within your means.  And belief that we’re all in it together.  After all, Americans have managed to get behind socialization of libraries, police, and education (although many of the privileged seem to be losing interest in this).

For me, the best part of the film was when these French people said the problem with America is that the people are afraid of the government, but in Europe, the government is afraid of the people.  Both absolutely true AND hilarious.  Not so much fear, but lack of accountability, is noticeably missing amongst our “public servants”